Survivor Letters: Pam Hess
Dear God,
When I was diagnosed with oral cancer the first time 4 days before Christmas, 1999 I was angry with you and blamed you for letting this happen to me. I asked “Why Me?” “What did I do to cause this?” Since I didn’t smoke or drink (the typical risk factors), how could you let this happen to me if you really loved me? After 14 moths I realized you were big enough to handle my anger. You helped me take those baby steps toward recovery and finding my “new normal”.
Fast-forward 10 years to October, 2009. Once again I got the news, “You have oral cancer.” I had massive surgery to remove my tongue, the floor of my mouth and the right side of my jawbone. Reconstruction of my jaw and mouth consisted of using bone and tissue from my leg. The time I ask you, “God, what do you want from me?” I believe you were asking me to completely accept what lay ahead, and trust you with my whole life. After months of hard work, I am now able to eat and talk.
God, I thank you for the miracles you did! I attribute my recovery completely to you. Also, Jack, my husband, gave his life daily being my nurse and coach in a loving, caring way. I thought of our 3 adult children needing their mother and our grandchildren needing their “nanny”. I know my story is bigger than “having cancer”. And I know you gave me this story to share with others so they too can have hope and courage to take the next step in their journey. you have been faithful to me.
Thank you,
Pam Hess
Q & A with Pam Hess:
You are a three-time cancer survivor, how have you maintained such a positive attitude?
I have not always had a positive attitude. When I was diagnosed in December, 1999, I got angry with God and didn’t speak to Him for 14 months. Through prayer from family and friends, I was able to come to a place where I could trust Him and start rebuilding my relationship with Him and to find out who He really is. I learned that He loves me and wants what is best for me. I was able to write a book about my cancer and more especially my spiritual journey.
Over the next 9 years I was able to love and trust God with most of my heart, but I just couldn’t surrender it all to Him. Diagnosis #2 came in September, 2009. God worked in my life at that time mainly through my Pastor to get me to a place where, just 3 days before surgery, I was able to completely accept whatever the outcome would be, knowing that God has a much bigger plan than I could ever imagine. The cancer and aftermath were devastating ~ the doctors had to remove all of my tongue, the floor of my mouth, jawbone, and the teeth on the right side. The doctors were able to reconstruct my mouth from tissue, blood vessels and bone from my leg. The aftermath of all of this caused me to have to learn to walk, talk and eat again. I was totally helpless ~ my husband said I was like bringing home a newborn baby! I couldn’t do anything for myself!
Since that time God has used me and my story to inspire and encourage others who have found themselves in a difficult place in their life ~ through cancer or whatever crisis they are facing.
Now fast forward 20 months to July, 2011, and I once again found that I had oral cancer. This time it was on the only place in my mouth that was “original”. So I went in for surgery and they removed the cancer on my gums and the rest of my bottom teeth. Three months after that I went back into surgery to get dental implants (5) to be able to have a set of bottom teeth. In about four months I will go back into surgery for the doctors to prepare my mouth and make room for the teeth!
Through the years I have grown in my spiritual walk with God and learned to rely on Him. I know He has a BIG story to tell and He is using me through all of this make Himself famous and show others of His great love for each of us.
What have been the most difficult aspects of this cancer journey?
The most difficult aspect I dealt with the first time I was diagnosed with cancer was to get past the question of “Why” and “Why did this happen to me”? I blamed myself and wondered why God let this happen to me. After many months I finally got to the point where I didn’t have to know the “Why” ~ I realized that I may never know the full story and that is okay. I need to spend my energy building my “new normal” life and getting on with all that God has for me.
From the physical aspect learning to eat in order to get the right nutrition is the hardest part of my daily life. Right now I am on a pure liquid diet, but I know at some point I will be able to eat, chew, and swallow solid food. I have learned to stay in the moment and be content wherever this cancer takes me, and feel the joy to be able to help others who are going through this too.
I notice you sign every email with the statement, “God is Faithful”, what does that mean to you?
The phrase “God is Faithful” is very significant to God’s Character and it represents what He has been teaching me over these past 12 years. Even when I stopped speaking to Him for those 14 months, He continued to bless me and whisper in my ear His great love for me and His desire to have an intimate and personal relationship with me.
Can you explain the importance of the Oral, Head and Neck (SPOHNC) support group?
Six months after my first cancer diagnosis, I attended a general cancer support group at Baylor that lasted 9 weeks. It completely changed my attitude about having cancer ~ I was able to find others who had heard the words, “You have cancer” which changes your life forever. Even though we all had different types of cancer, we all could relate to the struggles we felt, and we helped each other find our “new normal”.
Eventually a support group specifically for Oral Head and Neck Cancer (SPOHNC) was started and I had the privilege of being a charter member. This group provides a “safe” place to share our struggles and support each other. We all have problems with eating due to surgery and treatment. Since much of life centers around sharing meals with the ones we love, eating is one the most difficult aspect of our “new normal” lives. It is hard for others to truly understand our limitations. Support group provides a place where we can share what is going on and feel accepted unconditionally. We are able to help each other because there is always someone who has experienced the same thing and has suggestions to try. Because our recovery is a long and slow process, it is good to be able to surround yourself with others who can relate.
What is your best advice for other cancer survivors?
My best advice for any cancer survivor is to have a support system through your family, friends, and church or wherever your circle of influence is to be able to carry the load for you when you can’t do so for yourself. Let others help you walk this journey because you can’t do it alone.
Is there anything else you’d like to add?
The key ingredients for me to keep putting one foot in front of the other over these past 12 years is my faith in God, my wonderful husband who 43 years ago took our wedding vows seriously “in sickness and in health” and my 3 loving children who took their role in life seriously “honor your (father) and mother”.
Do you want to write a cancer survivor letter? If so email a scanned copy of your handwritten letter to chris.callahan@baylorhealth.edu or mail a handwritten letter to Baylor Health Care System Public Relations Department, 2001 Bryan St., Ste. 750 Dallas, TX 75201. Please include you contact information on a separate piece of paper.
